How to start an open relationship?

You are in a long lasting relationship and really love your partner. However, you think that there could be something more during sex. You want to have new experiences and sometimes you even yearn for that hot guy you have been chatting with on Grindr (which you said you deleted… but that is a different story). So maybe it’s time for an open relationship. But ...


... You don’t know if your partner will approve. You fear that he will feel your relationship is breaking or that he is not good enough for you. However, what if it would be even better to open your relationship and feel more sexually fulfilled? Maybe he even shares the same feelings?


Go step by step. First of all you have to separate sex from love. This is the basis of an open relationship!

  1. You have to be true to yourself and know what your partner thinks about it. Find this out by looking at his reactions in specific situations, like in a threesome, or when you talk about other couples you know who have an open relationship.

  2. It is important that your husband understands you are still in love with him and that this wouldn't change in an open relationship. Tell him that couples are even more in love after opening their relation or similar.

  3. Let him make the first steps and let him benefit from it. Tell him you wouldn't feel cheated if he is having fun with another guy. Perhaps you can initiate a threesome then you say you feel a little tired and let the other two go at it. Point out that you do not feel bad about it and you realized that he was enjoying the time with the other guy, and THAT turned you on.

  4. Tell him that you love him but feel like you are in a cage. Show your inner conflict between not wishing to hurt him and expressing and developing yourself sexually. You can use your kinky side to support your needs and arguments.


To prepare for this step in your relationship:

  1. Negative aspects and threats, like STIs, falling in love, or other uncontrolled developments should be spoken out clearly. You have to figure out some rules to handle and solve them.

  2. If he doesn't understand how important this is for you, repeat it and start arguing without going too far.

  3. If you "calm down" again (like in a compromise), you can offer to start with small things, like a BJ, or no anal sex, or similar. You can also promise to inform him about everything or if he prefers, do not inform him at all.

  4. Repeat steps 1-3 and 4-5 if necessary.

  5. Opening your relationship can provide the best of both worlds! You two can have lifelong companionship coupled with sexual novelty that keeps your sex life alive.

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